I honestly don’t go out of my way to butcher the films that Hayes has me review. I seriously don’t. It’s not like I look at a title and say to myself “Well, that one is going to get worked over pretty good!” But I can’t lie to you...I have to be honest in my assessments. I mean, what kind of credibility would I have as a reviewer if I told you all films were glorious? That’s right...none.
I am prefacing my review of HILLSIDE CANNIBALS with this commentary so that you folks won’t think I’m out for any specific company’s or director’s blood. I swear...Scout’s honor! So when I tell you how bad this film sucked, I don’t want you to look at me any differently, either.
If you are not familiar with HILLSIDE CANNIBALS, here is the plot synopsis courtesy of The Aslylum's website:
The world's most brutal serial killer was born over 400 years ago. Sawney Bean and his family pillaged, slaughtered, and literally devoured thousands of victims. Even today, the inbred clan of cannibals hides in seaside caves feeding on the flesh of those who pass by.
I wanted to like this movie, I really did. I mean, how can you NOT like something that is supposedly the basis for one of the creepiest movies of all time (i.e. The Hills Have Eyes)? But unfortunately, I walked away from this film feeling bored and disappointed.
The plot is one we are already familiar with, thanks to the film mentioned above. Thus, I sorta knew what to expect before I started watching it. But even so, I didn’t expect what I got. HILLSIDE CANNIBALS barely has a positive trait about it in any form or fashion.
The acting is horrible. The cast tries, but they all come across like Junior High secondaries, hoping the main stars break their legs prior to the curtain rising. The over-acting flows like the blood should have in this film.
This is not to mention the awful casting decisions. I mean, the cannibals looks like college students with dingy clothes. I seriously don’t think a guy with a frat-house hairdo should be playing an “inbred cannibal”...that just doesn’t work on any level. And the rest of the “cannibals” are all curvaceous females and buff, rock-star wannabes.
I wanted to sit the production team down and say “What the hell were you thinking? Were you drunk?” That’s how pissed off HILLSIDE CANNIBALS made me...I seriously thought about trying to look them up for an “interview”. How can you disgrace the good name of a Wes Craven film by associating it with something like this?
The ONLY saving grace for this film is that it is shot very well. The scenery is beautiful and the DoP does an amazing job of catching it in almost every scene...well, when we’re not forced into the “cave” with the “cannibals”, that is.
HILLSIDE CANNIBALS is a definite miss for me. I would give this one a pass. The bad casting and overacting are combined with a lack of decent gore and a so-so script...watching this one is a waste of time.
--MSB
I just got a press release announcing a new film that sounds very intriguing. The film is called HUMAN FACTOR and is about a place called Metro City, where suddenly all of the homeless population begins turning up dead. This is an interesting premise, and I assume will turn out to be some kind of serial killer film where the killer targets homeless people. Should be interesting for sure, and I was really surprised by the amazing cast assembled for this film. 
