---------Review by contributing writer Scott Baker---------
COLONYDirected by: Tom Berna
Distributed by: Apprehensive Films
Production Year: 1995
The DVD case for COLONY boasts “The original super-8mm cult classic”. I’m not sure in what context this movie is considered a classic, but it sure can’t be the GOOD MOVIE category, unfortunately. While the premise sounds interesting, the execution for this movie is lacking.
If you’ve never heard of COLONY , here is the premise courtesy of imdb.com:
Jim Matthews, a PR exec for a genetic design firm, is sleeping with Jenny Dole, a secretary. When Meredith Weaver (Jim's wife and a genetic designer with the firm) finds out about the affair, she doses him with an experimental serum, causing his limbs to separate from his body and take on lives of their own.
I don’t enjoy ripping a film to shreds, but there’s honestly nothing positive I can say about this one. The acting is bad, the script is poor, and the cinematography is horrible. Even the DVD transfer is bad; I thought there was something wrong with the disk when I first started playing it. The DVD picture quality looks as if they put a camcorder in front of a TV and then recorded the VHS copy as it played. It is so bad that during certain parts of the movie, the screen blanks out but the movie somehow keeps going!
Aside from that, the movie itself is a disaster. Supposedly, the film was shot in the mid-90s, but the clothes and hairstyles appear to be from the mid-80s. This isn’t a bad thing necessarily, but it really turned me off from a visual point-of-view. The cast is annoying, barely putting any effort into their acting as they vomit out their lines in a zombie like manner. The story is slow-paced and we are forced to endure in agony as the main character amazingly lures women into dark corners to eat them. And the special effects…WOW…they are beyond terrible.
There’s not even any decent gore to speak of. We see a few streams of blood here and there, but I really wanted to see someone getting eaten! Instead, the camera conveniently moves to the side as the action starts happening and we only hear wet, grotesque sounds. To me, this is a cop-out. I’d much rather the camera just cut away to a different scene or something and let us imagine how horrible the situation was.
Overall, I have to grade Colony as an epic fail. It’s not even one of those movies that are so bad they’re good. It's just plain bad. In short, don’t waste your time with this one.
CLICK HERE to watch the trailer
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